Wednesday, August 15, 2012

What Happened? Confrontations

We were at Theraplay the other day, and Random Guy and I were waiting for SensiGirl while she was with her therapist. There was a new woman with her son and they were confrontational with my Fancy Friend about her older son being in Random Guy's space. I just asked Random Guy if he would like to move, and left us out of it.
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We finally got over that uncomfortable situation and while I am listening to Ms. Jen tell me about Sensi's session I see Random Guy and the woman's younger son come charging in the wait area from outside. "Mom he hit me" says the younger son. "No he's a liar, I didn't hit him" says my boy.  Back and forth with the two boys to the new mom and myself. I was becoming addled by all the input. I asked Random Guy to quiet down so I could hear the other boy's side. He said Random Guy had hit him. This is not something that happens unprovoked.
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Every time I have been told that Random Guy has hit someone it has turned out that the other child was provoking him by taunting him or touching him.  I need to remember that, but it seems with boys that they are always tangling with one another and playing too rough. I am so not used to that growing up with a sister. So I tend to lend credence to the report that Random Guy hit someone because he has hit SensiGirl when he gets over the top. He plays too rough and sometimes someone gets hurt.
He is getting to big and old to do that, but I usually can protect Sensi and myself from his angry outbursts. He is also getting to an age where he needs to understand that you say you are sorry, especially to strangers to keep a situation from getting out of hand. If I had not told the new mom how sorry I was, I could see her getting all up in my face about the situation. Especially with how confrontational she was with my Fancy Friend earlier.
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In the end, we both apologized to each other. Random Guy was frustrated that I did that. He was visibly upset on the way home and then when we got out of the car, R.G. decided to grab his sister and start pushing and pulling her around. SensiGirl was oblivious to what had occurred earlier and was very upset and confused to be treated that way by her brother. I took SensiGirl in my arms and lead her up the front steps. R.G. started screaming and hitting himself in frustration while I was trying to open up the door and give us all some space from each other. As soon as I opened the door, Random Guy picked up his sister and shoved her through the doorway and ran upstairs.
I am glad we started some therapy for him at the Autism Society this week, we are going to have a lot to talk about at his next appointment. Now until then we just have to remember to breathe.
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  1. I hate those kinds of situations with other parents!

    My son gets super-frustrated when he thinks someone has lied. It's just about the only time he lashes out, but the trouble is that his definition of a lie is really literal and hampered by his theory of mind difficulties. He thinks if someone else has a different opinion or version of the events then that's lying. And it wounds him to his core, he just can't deal with it at all.

    So I wonder if it's the same with your son? And it bothers him that you said sorry?

    Anyway, glad you'll be getting some help and hopefully some answers or things to try. Love the pic of Animal :)

  2. The lying this is very much the same with my son. It bothered him I said I was sorry because he didn't think an apology was necessary since he wasn't in the wrong. He doesn't get that I was trying to put a cap on the situation. We are having some very enlightening sessions with the AuSM psychologist. I am really glad I set that up. I love that pic of Animal trying to meditate too. :)

  3. Having not yet faced this situation all I can do is look to you for guidance. I guess it does have to do with understanding perspectives and training to deal with social situations by understanding the skills and thought processes of others. It seems almost like a situation where we could really use sort of a social skills board game to help our kids understand the social processes in some common situations. Hmmmm....

  4. There is an article that came out about assessing situations using reappraisal and suppression. Here it is:
    You may have already read it. When you look at the whole situation, it basically was two boys who weren't very adept at social interactions misreading each other.
    I always figure you can never go wrong while teaching our kids to be polite and kind, sort of the social graces thing.
    A social skills board game...might be one of those million dollar ideas. Thanks for the comments.