The Personal Shopper: An Underused Resource

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I had a session with a personal shopper at the local thrift store, ARC Value Village. It got me to thinking about using the different resources in our community. I think that for neurodiverse teens and young adults, when looking for a job or going to a college interview, a personal shopper finding some appropriate outfits would be a very beneficial way to spend an hour or so of their time.

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My sister and I decided to do the personal shopping experience as a birthday present for me. I filled out an online preference form for styles and sizes, (including my weird clothing fiber allergies.) We filled out the form about a month before our visit to give our shopper, Michelle, enough time to find some nice outfits for our visit. When we arrived we were ushered to our reserved fitting rooms and she had a rack of clothes ready for us to try on. She not only had clothes, but she included some shoes and belts as well as other accessories. When we figured out how to fit my body type she pulled some additional choices for me to get a whole outfit that would work for me.

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She didn't pressure me to buy anything; in fact she suggested that some items I tried on might not be a good choice for me, since the fit was off. She gently helped me expand my thinking about what items would work for me to attain my goals for my appearance.
I know from shopping with Random Guy that if you just pick things for him without considering what he wants, he will not wear the items. The objection could be about a texture, fit, or even a sound that the fabric makes. He hates his raincoat, since it "swishes" when he swings his arms when he walks. He would rather get a little damp than wear it. It now resides in the bottom of his backpack, (for downpours only.) You can explain all these preferences before you have your visit with a personal shopper and then the items are already screened for you.

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You may think a personal shopper is not in the cards for you, because you may not have a huge wardrobe budget or since you don't shop the fancy stores. If you look, you can have a great experience with one either through the thrift store like I did or as a service provided by some stores, (bigger department stores may provide the service, sometimes for free.)

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We are always trying to teach our kids the ins and outs of personal interactions and personal appearance, I can't think of one that would be more helpful as you launch your kid into the working world. Since ARC's mission is to help people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, it is a perfect fit for helping with the transition to college or employment.

Resource:
arcsvaluevillage.org/personalshopper

Transitions and Temperament

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I posted earlier about social stories and how they help with trying something new. They are also helpful with transitions. Almost everyone has some extra anxiety or energy about transitioning from one state to the next. Getting up in the morning and going from bed at home to the bus to school and learning how to brush your teeth can be seen as transitions, from place to place and dependence to independence.

The trick once you have prepared your child for a transition with a calendar or social story is to prepare the adults involved.  When transitioning SensiGirl from preschool to kindergarten, I helped arrange the appropriate placement for her and then it was time to prepare her new teacher for her. I wrote the Getting to Know letters to her new teacher, I also e-mailed and called ahead of time to talk with her.
When transitioning myself from home with the kids to an evening meeting, Grandma and Grandpa are prepared and are sure to know how to keep SensiGirl occupied or to distract her until I get home.

How well we adapt to transitions has to do with temperament. I am a slow to transition person. When someone suggests something new, I usually say no right away. I then think about it and if I like the idea after weighing it, I will agree to the plan.  I think that kids who have trouble with transitions are a bit like me, it is hard to say yes and be open to change right away without thinking on it and envisioning what will happen.
Random Guy is always asks me in the morning "What are we doing today?" He usually knows since week to week things are pretty similar, but he checks to see if there is a change in plans so he knows ahead of time.  He is a "no" person like me and he has found a way to be open to yes by checking to see if there is a change in plans.  "No" people also like routines, it makes things manageable. If you know what you are going to have for breakfast each day then it makes choosing clothes easier. If you wear a uniform, then maybe you want to have a little variety in your breakfast.  Less choice isn't always bad; lots of people like to have a routine or two to make sure things run smoothly.

If you can prepare for the change then your "No" child might just roll with things when you don't expect it.  Our trip to the library has several steps; we have refined the visit to limit unexpected upsets. We get our reserved library materials from the shelf, check out our things and exit through the coffee shop. There we can get a treat if all goes well. SensiGirl likes to see what is there before she chooses her treat; Random Guy always is hoping there will be a yogurt parfait waiting for him. One time a book wouldn't clear the self check out and we had to wait while the librarian put a new scan sticker in the book. Since we all knew that the coffee shop was next, the wait was manageable.

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Even though Random Guy seems to handle transitions better, he is less likely to be a happy camper when the unexpected happens. If you ask him to do something new and different he will say "No." He might say yes in an hour or maybe next week. I try to ask him way ahead of time if I want him to try something new. SensiGirl can sometimes roll with it when things change, as long as she has had things go smoothly up to that point.  If she is prepared  for the next step after the change, all the better.  Routines and the unexpected are part of life, recognize what kind of temperament you have, and your kids have and work with it. You may find that the transitions happen more easily as the routines are established in your calendar.When you are ready, throw a little surprise in from time to time. It helps make those no moments turn to yeses more easily.

Magic words

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 I have some magic words to share with you: Proven Framework for Mainstreaming.

That is the phrase I used in my emails and when talking with administrators while we were choosing a placement for SensiGirl's kindergarten.  I knew from her last IEP meeting that they only thought she could handle up to a maximum of 20% of her day in a regular education classroom, (if that.)  I knew it was important for her to go to a school that knew how to make the transition from a special education classroom to a regular education/inclusion classroom sometime in the future when she was ready.
The words came to me and I knew I had the concept I was trying to articulate when I was feeling dismayed at the other school choices I had.

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Sometimes you can research the words into concepts, sometimes you have to sit with them and put them together yourself. The important thing is you find a way to convey what you want for your child.  When talking about extended school year be sure to mention regression and recoupment in the Fall, as well as "window of of opportunity" for educating your special needs child.

When discussing behavior issues involving your child with sensory processing disorder make sure to mention that what looks like bad behavior could be due to involuntary reactions to sensory overload.

When talking about classrooms or school, use the word appropriate, as in free appropriate public education (FAPE,) and a certain class room setting that is appropriate for a child with your child's disabilities.

It is helpful to be familiar with the terms already in use to be able to use them for your child's benefit.  Here is a handy glossary of the terms used in discussing special education.
http://www.disabilityrights.org/glossary.htm

Here is a link to Pennsylvania's Department of Education's pamphlet for understanding the language of special education. It has helpful sections on disabilities and behaviors, and educational terms.
Understanding the Language of Special Education: A Glossary for Parents and Educators

It can be tricky when you see or know of something you don't want for your child. You must find a way to frame or express what you DO want for your child. Many schools have policies about not reqesting a specific teacher by name for your child. I always make sure I express in Random Guy's IEP what kind of classroom and teaching style is helpful for him to make progress.
Use the magic words and you may find you get exactly what you want.

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