Friday, April 20, 2012

Hitting the Limit

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There are times as a special needs mom that I have to take a break. It is hard to keep up the level of energy and optimism required to keep my kids happy and safe and cared for all the time. The last few months the Atomic Punk has been on the road and I have been parenting alone during the week. I do have help from Grandma once a week, but I am pretty much on my own.
The thing is, I also suffer from depression. I am a three time loser in the depression wars. I am on antidepressants for the long term. Even though I take the medicine, my depression will wax and wane according to events in my life, just like anybody's mood would. I don't take enough medication to elevate my depression entirely, just enough so I can function on a daily basis. It is a delicate balance. After Random Guy was born I suffered from postpartum depression, which was my last major episode. I have reduced my antidepressants so I can stay alert enough to care for my kids and keep track of everything.  I have to cut back to the basics for now. The basics includes a clean house (not tidy, clean,) clean clothes, clean kids, food and making it to all the weekly appointments. Stack on allergies, Atomic Punk's work stress (yes, I am his sounding board too,) and SensiGirl having impacted 6 year molars and I just want to give up. It's like living under a wet blanket.

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This week I am hitting a wall. It is too much sometimes to attend an evening meeting every week or so. It is definitely not a good idea to do a Parent Resource Group meeting on Friday, attend my friend's first professional storytelling show Saturday, SensiGirl's IEP meeting on Monday and an Autism Family Resource Group on Tuesday. That is in addition to our regular twice weekly OT sessions and twice weekly speech therapy we squeeze in after school and before dinner and homework, (yes, my kindergartner has homework too.)
There comes a time when you have to pick and choose your priorities, right now it has to be myself. If I go under, the whole family does too. So I sent my regrets to the Parent Resource organizer and my storyteller friend and am just trying to stave off the impending depressive episode. I can't not function at this point. It is a struggle.  Blogging is in that narrow area between taking care of me and giving of myself; so I may be a bit irregular in my posts the next few weeks or so while I get myself sorted out.

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1 comment:

  1. Sorry things are so hard right now. Thinking of you.