The Personal Shopper: An Underused Resource

image via: http://www.resumecoverletters.org/interviewattire/

I had a session with a personal shopper at the local thrift store, ARC Value Village. It got me to thinking about using the different resources in our community. I think that for neurodiverse teens and young adults, when looking for a job or going to a college interview, a personal shopper finding some appropriate outfits would be a very beneficial way to spend an hour or so of their time.

image via: https://www.se-alliance.org/member-news/member-spotlight-arcs-value-village

My sister and I decided to do the personal shopping experience as a birthday present for me. I filled out an online preference form for styles and sizes, (including my weird clothing fiber allergies.) We filled out the form about a month before our visit to give our shopper, Michelle, enough time to find some nice outfits for our visit. When we arrived we were ushered to our reserved fitting rooms and she had a rack of clothes ready for us to try on. She not only had clothes, but she included some shoes and belts as well as other accessories. When we figured out how to fit my body type she pulled some additional choices for me to get a whole outfit that would work for me.

image via: http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/tag/arc-value-village/

She didn't pressure me to buy anything; in fact she suggested that some items I tried on might not be a good choice for me, since the fit was off. She gently helped me expand my thinking about what items would work for me to attain my goals for my appearance.
I know from shopping with Random Guy that if you just pick things for him without considering what he wants, he will not wear the items. The objection could be about a texture, fit, or even a sound that the fabric makes. He hates his raincoat, since it "swishes" when he swings his arms when he walks. He would rather get a little damp than wear it. It now resides in the bottom of his backpack, (for downpours only.) You can explain all these preferences before you have your visit with a personal shopper and then the items are already screened for you.

image via: https://www.facebook.com/arcsvaluevillage?v=feed&story_fbid=159906898582

You may think a personal shopper is not in the cards for you, because you may not have a huge wardrobe budget or since you don't shop the fancy stores. If you look, you can have a great experience with one either through the thrift store like I did or as a service provided by some stores, (bigger department stores may provide the service, sometimes for free.)

image via: http://www.collegemagazine.com/editorial/23/interview-attire

We are always trying to teach our kids the ins and outs of personal interactions and personal appearance, I can't think of one that would be more helpful as you launch your kid into the working world. Since ARC's mission is to help people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, it is a perfect fit for helping with the transition to college or employment.

Resource:
arcsvaluevillage.org/personalshopper

Tranquil Thursday: Meditate - Meditation Timer

image via:  http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/meditate-meditation-timer/id322538701?mt=8 

Meditation Timer: nice meditation app, total cost with additional bells $6 http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/meditate-meditation-timer/id322538701?mt=8

Taciturn Tuesday: Missing My Mom

image via:  http://lucymadi.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-miss-my-mom.html 

Pick Your Battles: Everyday Math

image via:  http://www.comicvine.com/myvine/cloverfield/all-images/108-400509/calvin_hobbes/105-1452730/ 

I have been fighting an ongoing battle with the school district over their insistence that Random Guy be taught Everyday Math at school. We have tried tutoring him at home with Singapore Math and Core Curriculum Math. He does better for a while and then starts falling behind as the exposure to Everyday Math increases. His confidence in his abilities plummets when it comes time to divide the class into different groups to teach math each year. He may not be as social adept as some kids but he know what the "s/low" group is and knows what it means.

image via:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Parents-Against-Everyday-Math/37453309495?v=wall&viewas=0 

I had a meeting with his teacher, the school social worker and the learning specialist at his school today to come to an agreement about how to teach Random Guy math this year. I went with his most recent IEPs and his previous report cards in my green expanding folder.
I went in asking for him to be pulled out during math and a separate math curriculum. I explained that I had to reteach everything taught in class these past few years and that with two children having homework and therapies to go to I just don't have the time or ability to teach my son Everyday Math, every day, without any training. I explained that he is cognitively different than most of the other children and being so, needed mastery of a concept before being asked to move on to another one.

image via:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Parents-Against-Everyday-Math/37453309495 

I left with a modification for less homework, an agreement that Random Guy would not be shuffled among the teachers and put into a "low" group and that the algorithms taught would be the standard ones not the loopy multiple ways Everyday Math has to solve the same problem. I was told the homework emphasis will be on the traditional algorithms and that the problems to be worked will be marked discretely on his worksheet or booklet, so there is no misunderstanding what work needs to be completed. I was assured that this was going to be the last grade that they will be using Everyday Math. Next year, for middle school there will be a traditional math curriculum.

Wait, what was your strategy?
image via:
http://www.wall321.com/Entertainment/TV_Series/david_tennant_
doctor_who_tv_series_1024x768_wallpaper_26513

Some would say that I didn't get what I was asking for, but really I think I got quite a bit. I got the modification spelled out by the learning specialist to the teacher. I got an agreement not to move my child from teacher to teacher to learn math, but rather stick with one teacher who now knows the modifications. There are 12 units this school year, so I kept Random Guy from having to move between three different teachers, two of which were not there for the meeting, and haven't got a clue about Random Guy.  I also got a chance to see what the reworked test format will be and what the standards are for the grade.
I got a meeting of the minds that Random Guy's teacher was going to follow the program. She also showed me how she is going to track his progress and increase the difficulty level of his work as he improves his performance.

image via:  http://www.specialeducationadvisor.com/top-ten-common-questions-about-special-education/ 

I sent a email (with a copy going to my husband,) thanking them for the meeting and outlining the agreed modifications and requested that the modifications be listed in his IEP.
It is best when faced with difficulties like this to find a way to solve the problem so your child gets the benefit of a modification rather than fight and fight and no movement occurs on their part for an adaptation or accommodation. It is a fine line to walk when advocating  for your child. You risk being viewed as helicopter parent, when really, experience has taught you to be proactive rather than reactive to save yourself and your child a lot of wasted time and energy.  Part of being a special ed. parent is having to teach the teachers every year. Part of being a special ed. parent is also learning from having to teach the teachers every year.

Tranquil Thursday: North Shore Leaf Peeping

image via:  https://www.facebook.com/CovePointLodge

Taciturn Tuesday: A Journey Starts...

image via:  http://raystown.org/attractions/1000-steps.html

iPad Rules: Basics of Restrictions and Rewards

image via:  http://www.movies-on-ipads.com/tag/download-youtube-to-ipad-2/ 

It has come to my attention that some parents are having trouble with iPad access and rules. You can keep control of it with a little tech knowledge.
On the iPad there is a Settings icon, touch that and go there.

image via:  http://www.vpnfortress.com/setup/ipad-vpn-set-up.html 

Under General there is the heading Restrictions

image via:  http://appletoolbox.com/2011/12/how-to-setup-parental-controls-on-an-ipad/ 

Touch it and Set Passcode, if you haven't already.

image via:  http://appletoolbox.com/2011/12/how-to-setup-parental-controls-on-an-ipad/  

After you have set the pass code go into Restrictions, enter the code and turn off all functions you don't want your child to have.
We turn off Safari (the Internet), YouTube, Downloading Apps, Deleting Apps and In-App Purchases.
Once you have set those, and exited settings, you can give it to your child and feel pretty safe they are not going to see anything untoward or run up your iTunes bill.

image via:  http://ipod.about.com/od/ipadhowtos/ss/buying-at-ibooks-store_4.htm 

Your iTunes also has a password, make sure to keep BOTH the iTunes password and the Restrictions codes secret from your children. I haven't had to change the iTunes code yet. If they happen to crack your code on the iPad, you will have to go in and change it. You can do that by going back into Restrictions and hitting Disable Restrictions. Then hit the same bar again, only this time it will say Enable Restrictions, put in the new Passcode, go back and turn off the options you don't want.

image via:  http://www.worldstart.com/ipad-restrictions/

We have had to change the restrictions codes on both their iPads since they cracked the codes. I now make them leave the room when I am entering codes, so they can't see me entering them. I have also had to make the Restrictions Passcode an obscure one, rather than one of the ones we commonly use for other things, like Netflix or Lego.com or individual user passwords.

image via:  http://www.sott.net/articles/show/244744-Parents-Sue-Apple-Over-Children-s-Costly-and-Highly-Addictive-Apps

We also have some rules around iPad use. They are only allowed to use it when they have earned it with good behavior. With Sensi it is a potty prize of sorts. She has to go number two at least once every 24-36 hours or she loses her iPad privileges. If she has no reward, she will just hold it for days. She also will get involved in the iPad or Netflix and forget to go when she needs to. iPad use as a reward is motivating for her to even try to go. This works for us.
Random Guy can use his after he has finished his homework and has had appropriate behavior. He is now ten and getting very sassy. The possibility of not getting to use his iPad has kept some of that behavior in check.
 Also there are no iPads an hour before sleep time. They can use it to wind down in the evening, but I take it from them an hour before sleep time. There is some evidence that iPad use interferes with sleep.

image via:  http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/technology/2012/04/parents-sue-apple-for-in-app-and-in-game-purchases-made-by-kids/

We take iPads and recharge them in our bedroom at night, so we know where the iPads are and can shut down any programs running in the background.
Apps and in-app purchases are also doled out for good behavior. If Sensi wants a book off her MeeGenius app or Random Guy from his Doctor Who comics platform they have to ask for it and good behavior has to have been followed for that day. Random Guy is also working toward a Minecraft app by getting ready for school in the morning without delay or complaining. We are on week three of trying to earn this app.
Be careful about what apps you load on your child's device. Since you are in control of the app purchases, even free ones, (since you have the iTunes code,) don't let them have any old app they choose. Look at what others have said about the apps you are about to purchase. CommonSenseMedia.org is a good site, there are many others that rate and review apps.

image via:  http://uk.androlib.com/android.screenshot.app.tBiDF-AiqDE.u.aspx 

If there is an app that causes a problem, (like Talking Ben,) you can delete it. It will stay in your iTunes library if you ever want it back, but it doesn't have to stay on your kid's iPad if it is causing trouble.
So there you have the Savvy Advocate Mom iPad basic rules and regulations. Happy e-play.

Sources:
appletoolbox.com/how-to-setup-parental-controls-on-an-ipad
http://www.worldstart.com/ipad-restrictions/
http://www.lrc.rpi.edu/resources/newsroom/pr_story.asp?id=235

Reappraisal: An important skill

What emotions do you see when you look at these faces?

image via:  http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7041164.stm 

image via:  http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/art/fear1.jpg 

According to studies, most typical teenagers interpret it as shock or sadness when really it is fear. When your kid is saying they are afraid you will be upset at them for doing something...it may be this face they picture.
Misinterpreting emotions on faces is not just something that kids and adults with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder,) have trouble with. Children and teenagers wrestle with it too. There are numerous emotion/nonverbal communication and social apps and computer programs designed to teach individuals with autism the facial expressions of emotions. Its not only facial expressions that they have trouble with, it is also judging whole social situations.  Interpreting situations that they find troubling are challenging to individuals on the autistic spectrum. They may just ignore their feelings, rather than analyzing the situation to come up with a more plausible conclusion. This is the piece of social interaction that needs to be dealt with and taught instead of endlessly quizzing your child on other's expressions or to constantly remind them to make eye contact.

The Four Forms of Reappraisal
image via:  http://anders.janmyr.com/:
"Notes on Your Brain at Work"

Stanford researchers find that ASD individuals use less effective emotional regulation strategies than neurotypicals. Many use suppression of feelings rather than use reappraisal of situations in interpreting social interactions. This is the key to successfully dealing with others in social situations. It's not the misreading of faces, its what you do with the information. What other information is available to support the reaction? What other possibilities are there to explain the interaction. It's looking at the whole scenario rather than focusing on the minutia of perhaps culturally and individually variable facial expressions and verbal responses.

image via:  http://www.sitkins.com/blog/bid/41347/Office-Politics-Does-it-have-an-impact-on-your-results 

Reappraisal is important because you work through the possibilities of the problem to get to an acceptably plausible answer. If your friend doesn't acknowledge you when you greet them, it can be perceived as a snub, and then you suppress your hurt feelings, or you can reappraise the situation as maybe they were distracted or busy or didn't notice you said something. More often the ASD individual will attribute it to the negative interpretation and stuff hurt feelings rather than working through the social possibilities and coming up with the more socially and emotionally comfortable answer that the friend may have been busy and not noticed the greeting.

image via:  http://s3.cinemagnetics.com/artwork.html

If the goal is to teach useful skills for life, putting the emphasis on reappraisal rather than recognizing facial expressions may be the most beneficial way to go. Teaching emotions is important, especially to help your child label their own emotions and have some idea of how others feel. Teaching possibilities, and flexible thinking is even more important.



Source:
http://nesca-news.blogspot.com/2012/08/stanford-researchers-investigate.html
http://anders.janmyr.com/2012/05/notes-on-your-brain-at-work.html
interview with Deborah Yurgelun-Todd
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/interviews/
http://blog.autismspectrumdirectory.com/2011/01/14/ipad-ipod-touch-and-iphone-apps-non-verbal-and-social-communication-by-body-language/

Tranquil Thursday: Tundra

photograph by Richard Reed
 image via:  http://environment.nationalgeographic.com/environment/habitats/tundra-profile/

Taciturn Tuesday: Remembering

image via:
http://designwire.interiordesign.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Memorial-Pool.jpg

Post AIT - one month

image via:  http://www.duluthgospeltab.org/#/calendar

It has been one month since SensiGirl finished her AIT therapy. We have seen some changes, not huge ones but sly, shadowy ones that keep me hoping and happy. I went away for a long weekend a few weeks after her ear training and she had Grandma and Grandpa staying with her during the day. I was told she spent her time while I was away telling Grandma, "Uh-Uh" and "I don't know" and apparently popping off sentences here and there
 School started the day after Labor Day and her daddy asked, "What was your favorite part of school today?" My SensiGirl answered, "Lunch!" Classic first grader answer! I loved it.

image via:  https://www.facebook.com/SaintPaulPublicSchools 

In the weeks before school started I noticed that she was singing lyrics clearer, it was like she was hearing the words more clearly. She also was more adaptable when I corrected her misheard lyrics. She is plugging her ears in response to certain sounds or environments. Her teacher noticed it too; the plan is to just let that one be. I think she is hearing things differently, so she is testing out the sounds.

image via:  http://www.youthatheart.org/NewsEvents.aspx

Her teacher reports that she attends to group directions a lot more readily, but isn't sure if it is a maturity and familiarity issue or due to the AIT. There is less need to go to her individually, get in her space to get Sensi's attention to give a direction. This is a great improvement over last year. She does better at home with this too. I don't have to pull the answer from her with either or questions. I can give her choices, more than 2 and she will answer me. It may be a one word answer, but it is not the prompt and talk script anymore. She follows directions better at home too.

image via:  http://www.123greetings.com/cute_cards/teddy_bears/teddy52.html 

Her therapists at OT and Speech have also noticed some differences. She breezed into Theraplay the other day and looked right at her therapist and she said "Hiya!" There was no prompting, her therapist didn't need to initiate the greeting, she just did it on her own.

image via:  http://ignaciopilotto.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/wakeup/ 

Last week we were still trying to get into the routine of waking up early for school and I told her, "You have to get up" she looked directly at me and said in a resigned voice, "I know." So, the whole 4 or more word sentences I am not seeing much of, but the direct appropriate replies, they are there now for the most part. The key is to give her time to respond, to process the language she is hearing. I'll keep on posting updates on her AIT progress periodically throughout the year.

Tranquil Thursday: i-Qi Timer

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/i-qi-singing-bowl-timer-free

images via:  http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/i-qi-singing-bowl-alarm-meditation/id413369004?mt=8 

Taciturn Tuesday: Elephant bath

image via:  http://www.urlesque.com/2009/08/20/animal-shaped-sand-sculptures-are-just-beachy/ 

Sensory Issues: A Grown Up Perspective

I just got a chance to take a little time by myself this last month and noticed some things. I started to think about my own sensory issues.

image via:  http://sushipot.blogspot.com/2010_09_01_archive.html 

We stopped to visit a second hand shop. You know the kind you find in the country on the side of the highway...antiques... a building crammed with dusty stuff. I was starting to get that fluttery feeling being in there, and it wasn't just the dust, it was ALL THAT STUFF. It was serious sensory overload.  Everywhere I looked there was a vista crammed with stuff. It was like a hidden object game, but even busier. I couldn't handle it. It might have helped if I had something I was looking for to distract me from my distress; my sister finds some really cool stuff. In my house with its limited amount of extra space, collecting knick-knacks or salt and pepper shakers is not for me.

image via:  http://detroit.ebayclassifieds.com/home-decor/warren/vintage-novelty-salt-and-pepper-shakers/?ad=1685000 

After shopping at several different venues I also realized why my SensiGirl really, really hates going to the Big Box store. The carpeted part of the store is okay, but the rest of the interior with its hard echoing floor and open high ceiling is a problem, especially with all the carts going by.

image via:  https://foursquare.com/v/mills-fleet-farm/4b6224c2f964a52042382ae3 

There is too much stuff in most stores. It is hard to sort out what you are looking for from what else is there.
Fleet Farm is probably the worst, since you could literally live your whole life from everything they have in that store. It's not just clothes, houses wares and hunting gear. They have food, veterinary supplies, automotive items, landscaping and gardening supplies as well as toys, crafting supplies and hardware. I am sure I missed a category or two in there. Again it did help that I had an item or two that I was specifically looking for.

image via:  http://planetgreen.discovery.com/quizzes/food-health/first-quiz/shopping-list.jpg 

I think from now on I will involve my SensiGirl more in following our shopping lists and asking her to find things for me. It helps to know your progress of your shopping trip and it is reassuring to see the items ticked or crossed off the list to know there isn't much time left until you can check out and go.

image via:  http://occupational-therapy.advanceweb.com/Article/Strategies-for-Sensory-Integration.aspx 

So I am sensory sleuthing again and trying to find ways for it to be easier for my SensiGirl to make her way in the world. I will say it again, if you are out and about and your child has some whacked-out behavior, it may be a sensory issue not a "behavioral" issue. Look around, listen, and use your sense of touch. How does the air feel on your skin, what does it smell like? Are the lights bright, do they hum? How about the refrigeration section of the store, is it loud? Is it too cold? Are there vibrations? It may be that their bodies have had enough sensory input and they are going into overload.  Keep sleuthing!